Sex as Spirituality
Written by Christopher Oliphant.
Sex as Spirituality is for those for whom sex is connected to their spirituality. This sexual expression is not about those that choose to take up a sexual/spiritual practice such as Tantra, rather it is about those where sex is spiritual without making a choice.
Here is an example. 'Trudy' struggles to make love with her partner. It is not that she is frigid or does not enjoy sexuality when engaged, it is that every time she chooses to make love she knows she will need to spend time doing psychological and spiritual work before she can become aroused. Once aroused she is so deep within herself that she cannot give to her partner or even speak; she can only receive. When she reaches orgasm, any remaining ego is swept away as she reaches higher and higher states of bliss through a series of orgasms. When she and her partner stop making love she is left in an altered state. She may remain in this state for days before she is able to function fully within everyday consciousness. And the next time she chooses to make love, it starts all over again.
This type of person is most likely to feel sexually damaged as there are no role models for this type of person. If asked if they feel sexual the answer is almost always no. If they decide to try and make love to see if the energy is there, he or she knows they will have a lot of work to do just to connect sexually. Then they usually have an incredible sexual experience only to return to the place of asexuality. This leaves them feeling like a sexual failure, especially against the backdrop of our cultural sexual models. They can not fit into either the model of asexual or sexual beings.
The other pattern of Sex as Spirituality, that I see more commonly, but not exclusively, in men, is as follows. The man has a fairly strong sex drive, but cannot find a satisfactory sexual experience with most women. After a time he may withdraw sexually. What he are looking for is a partner, like 'Trudy'. For them, simple orgasm is not enough; they need to ride the spiritual energy of their partner to attain their spiritual experience. This means he requires his partner to reach a profound sexual orgasm. If his partner offers Sex as Duty, it has a limited appeal. However, when there is a mutual sexual and spiritual experience, both partners enter into their own states of bliss and into altered consciousness. There were times after making love, that between Trudy and her husband, it was uncertain which of them were sufficiently present to make the next meal.
Another category of Sex as Spirituality, are those that use sexuality as escape from the physical. This idea was given to me by Cory Michell. He writes (with some editing), "Using sex as escape is a way people try to use a sexual or an arousing event to disconnect from physicality. Sex in this sense is used to disconnect from the body."
"Being aware of our escapist tendencies allows us to harness them and explore them with our partners. It can result in increased self-awareness and a very strong 'connection' with our partner. Even though the experience is in our own mind, we link that sensation to our partner, increasing the bond. On the downside, if focused on exclusively can alienate others and cause a disconnect from our bodies and what it needs to survive."
- See more tagged in relationships.
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