Sex as Novelty and Exchange

Written by Christopher Oliphant.

Sex as Novelty is when people need constant newness in their sexual relationships. This means that making love to the same person in the same way leads to the death of desire. This can act out in two ways. The first is in play, where the lover is inventive and playful, bringing a sense of newness to making love. The problem is when the spontaneity runs thin, so does their desire for making love.

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The second way that Sex as Novelty plays out, is by falling in and out of love. An example of this is the woman who falls deeply in love, enjoys a tempestuous sexual relationship, then falls out of love and moves on. Her life is in a constant drama, each time proclaiming that this time she has met Mr. Right.

On the up side, these folks draw people into their life. When things are new they are fun and spontaneous and they enjoy life to the fullest. On the down side, they struggle with long term relationship.

Sex As Exchange

When we started this journey with Sex as Duty, the sex was secondary. It was offered from a sense of duty or commitment to the other without a strong sexual need in the giver. Then we moved into Sex as Need, Sex as Outlet and Sex as Novelty. In each of those sex was the immediate need in order to satisfy a deeper need. Now we are going to return to where sex is not the focus, but the means to an end.

In Sex as Exchange, sex is used to get something in exchange. One common usage of Sex as Exchange is getting something material. It may be money, a nice meal at a restaurant or a vacation to name but a few. Another common usage of Sex as Exchange is trading sex for security. The one who seeks the security would not have a particularly strong need for sex themselves, but know that their partner does and gives in order for the security of the relationship.

Many that are reading this are going to say, "That's not right." But what is the harm in it? We refer to this as the "sacred prostitute." Removing judgment from what is good/bad, right/wrong is what will release our repressed/oppressed sexual energies. Anything that we can bring into our lives consciously without judgment or sense of damage, will go a long way to healing sexual energies between partners. Engaging consciously, the couple have entered into an agreement and everything is above board. Unfortunately, many engage in Sex as Exchange unconsciously. They work hard to convince themselves that it is about love or even duty, but what they are getting from sex is a stronger need than their need for sex itself.

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