LexiYoga

Sex as an Outlet

Written by Christopher Oliphant.

Sex as Outlet describes those whose who need an added spice to their sexual expression. This spice may include risk, aggression, submission, degradation, pain or a flaunting of society's norms on proper sexual conduct. (I am not including those with sexual pathology. When it is a compulsion to violate, it has moved beyond sexual expression into sexual pathology.)

couple's feet

Regardless of the expression, Sex as Outlet people need some kind of additional spice. Since this is rarely accepted, it they often try and suppress it. This forces it underground and can manifest in any number of ways including, moralizing, suppressing all sexual energy, or diverting it into other areas of life. Diversions depend on what is being diverted. The ones who want risk may become risk takers in other areas of life. This can include the obvious risks like sky-diving or the less obvious risks of playing with their health. Those that want aggression/submission will find other outlets for their aggression or submission. This may be aggressive sports or aggression at work or with family. For those seeking submission, they may become doormats allowing others to control their lives. Those that divert degradation or pain are likely to end up in unhealthy relationships where they can be degraded, or they may inflict pain upon themselves. However, since this is an unconscious attempt to meet the sexual need, it will not be enough.

Accepting Sex as Outlet - accepting the desire for risk, aggression, submission, degradation, pain or a flaunting of society's norms - has significant benefits. Firstly, the diversionary tactics can become conscious. That means you can become more selective in how you divert. Secondly, confronting the shame you have carried around your sexual needs, is freeing and accepting this aspect of yourself can mean a substantial reduction in the amount of guilt you carry around. Thirdly, you can begin to explore ways to meet your sexual needs.

Moving to meeting your sexual needs requires a huge amount of communication. Your partner needs to know what you want and have the chance to agree to participate or not. If your partner does not wish to participate then you need to decide which is more important; the sexual need or the relationship. If relationship is more important, then you will have to be very deliberate about expressing the needs in healthy ways.

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