What if you're in a Mediocre Relationship?

Written by Mira Saraf.

We've all heard horror stories of lies, betrayal and deceit. We've warned our friends against associating with those with shifty motives, and we are quick to pull them out of situations we think may cause them harm. We are prepared for the worst at all times whether those friends actually listen to us or not.


But there are times in your life where you find yourself in a situation that's a little bit different. There is no cheating; there are no drug dealers, no bruises, jealousy or rage. What it is can best be categorized as what it's not: a relationship with any substance whatsoever. Where you go day after day, saying I love you, cooking dinner together, watching movies together and going out to candlelit dinners on Valentines Day just because it's what you're supposed to do. You return to the spot you first met, or perhaps the place you went on your first date, hoping, expecting, or perhaps forcing feelings of romance, truth and deeper meaning into a situation that has none. You simply are there because it's where you started and you don't question why, you don't think about life before and the concept of a life after this person does not even occur to you.

Every couple goes through the so-called "honey-moon" phase - the first few months where all you can do is gaze into each others eyes, think sappy thoughts and that this love is ground-breaking, earth-shattering--a perfect union of two souls. The magnitude of these metaphors will vary from couple to couple, but that certain glow which envelops a new found love is unmistakable. After you've been together 6 months, or maybe a year it is inevitable you will slip into some form of routine. Then, some of the luster will fade and you will realize that you are just like any other couple out there; happy enough but not important or significant enough to be logged in history.

My experience with this type of relationship was somewhat akin to being drugged. I felt myself in a heavy type of haze as I moved from one day to the next; sluggishly, without life or enjoyment but not altogether unhappy. I could envision myself spending the rest of my life like that, going through the daily routine that I had set up for myself, each day just like the day before and the day after. There is a sense of security in this routine, a feeling of safety - that on any given day you know what to expect from your significant other and that makes you feel in control. Yet at the same time, you may need something more, something deeper. Sometimes you may need to step out of your comfort zone to actually live. You need to be able to feel pain and discomfort to truly appreciate and value the good in your life. If you can break the habit, although it may be scary, in the long run you will wonder why you ever thought you'd miss your old life.

To be stuck here can be almost as perilous as the more dramatic relationship situations. I say almost because in truth, there is definitely no physical damage, and the emotional damage is slight and perhaps takes a different form than what one would expect. You have no issues with trust; you have no nightmares, no petty suspicions--none of this occurs. Yet it can be dangerous in the sense that you can lose hours, days and even years of your life trapped in the illusion you are happy and fulfilled. Because you should be, there is nothing wrong, right?

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